Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
