I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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