At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
