Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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