i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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