you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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