You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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