Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
