Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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