There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
