no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
