Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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