Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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