Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
