he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
