Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
