the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
