I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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