I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
