I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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