My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
