did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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