just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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