my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
