i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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