every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
