What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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