So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
