thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
