I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
