All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
