i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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