I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
