New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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