Jerry, you need to find god
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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