1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
