I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's blow job season.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
