Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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