whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
