I need help removing her.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
