So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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