You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
