My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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