Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
