i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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