She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
