i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
