I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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