Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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