wat bout pragnant strippers??
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
