is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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