i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The power of my boobs compel you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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